Here’s a short video about the elements a couple needs to find a sweet spot to balance positive and negative forces in a relationship: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFmeBwO2uqo
Ways to Build a Strong House
Everyone …. e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e goes through difficulties in their relationship from time to time. It is natural, we are individuals. It is how we handle those arguments that makes the difference in our marriage relationship. If you cannot seem to get past arguments, they keep building, they do not resolve, and this energy begins to tear apart the relationship, don’t wait– seek help! There is nothing wrong or taboo about getting couples’ therapy. There are so many tools to help marriages as couples, and individually, on so many issues there is no reason not to seek help. There are many programs that are available to help couples reconnect with each other. Remember when you first met? Nothing would stop you from spending time with each other and listening to one another about any topic under the sun! That connection may still be possible in your relationship. Reach out to us if you’re not sure where to start. We have worked with thousands of couples over the years.
A simple rule of thumb, supported by decades of research done by the Gottmans, shows that you have more power than you might think to slow down, cool off the negative spiral, and show your partner you care…about them and about your relationship. The secret? Do or say 5 positive, kind, or helpful things for every negative that pops up. Daily. Don’t be afraid to score yourself. Write down some notes about your efforts somewhere private and hold yourself accountable. Don’t wait for your partner to do the same. This is for you. Give it some time and see if your get some results.
A Therapist’s Inner Hope
One more secret before we go…the secret hope inside every good therapist who works with troubled couples…What is this hope? It’s the hope that one or both of you will take responsibility for your own actions, whether or not your partner does. You do you. It is your secret, relationship superpower.
References: Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. (2017, Sep). The Science of TOGETHERNESS. Psychotherapy Networker, 41, 43-47, 59. https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/article/1113/the-science-of-togetherness/6764c593-23e5-4fd6-96b4-996ae0255a23 Gottman, J. & Gottman, J. S. (2016). Level 1 clinical training, Gottman method couples therapy: bridging the couple chasm. The Gottman Institute, Inc., www.gottman.com